Love, Hate & Pain (Cinta, Benci & Luka)
I Would Love to dedicate this Article to the people who has shown me a lot, a lot of meaningful stories which taught me to see how “Love, Hate & Pain” co-relates and how is it related to RELATIONSHIP.
As simple as questions in a mail, a serve of a cup of a hot milo, a glimpse of a smile, a marketing approach, a casual business meeting are all small events that could creates big IMPACTS. Impacts which co-relates with many many things, as for now i am focusing on LOVE. And the Story of Love, Hate & Pain begins.
What is love? Love is a beautiful gift that god give mankind. It is the feeling of fondness, closeness, trust, jealousy, care, hard work, catalyst, motivations and so on, in which the words are all mixed and blend into one word single word then called “LOVE”. But on top of all of the words, LOVE is actually “A TEST” from GOD.. When GOD gave love to Man and Woman he wanted to TEST us, how do we deal with it, how do we manage it?, how do we cherish it?, how do we nurture it?.. Sexually? Caring-ly? Abusively? Lovingly? This is where we come into our play, as I would love to quote from a MOVIE.. “LOVE HAPPENS” “Life will give you a LEMON, it is a choice of yours to Take it Sour or make a LEMONADE” out of it.. So you make your choice of how your LOVE is going to be.
I believe many have experience something like:
LOVE makes a person wakes up early in the morning and drive far to send someone, LOVE makes one rush for the person when their partner is in trouble, LOVE makes one write cards for a special person, LOVE makes one stay up late night just to complete an album, LOVE makes one give present to their love one, LOVE gives desire and passion towards the spouse, LOVE makes one smile and the world smile, LOVE makes a person stronger, last but not least LOVE makes people BLIND.
It is JUST BEAUTIFUL.. THAT’S LOVE..
But what is beneath LOVE?
Beneath LOVE there is PAIN, a feeling that is unbearable. For everything that one person had done for other all they wanted back is a little bit of appreciation and LOVE turns to PAIN when LOVE is GRADUALLY FADED, when everything become too normal, when an event of JOY become too casual, when everything is one sided, LOVE is just PAINFUL.
And it because PAIN is related to matters like lack of TRUST, lack of GOOD COMMUNICATION, lack of CHEER, lack of TRANSPARENCY, lack of FONDNESS, and again it PAIN is also a TEST! from him.
PAIN leads to even greater depth comparable to LOVE, because PAIN is when LOVE is SHATTERED and BROKEN into pieces.. when everything seems to fall apart, when everything seems to have lost its grip, it makes one breathless, hopeless, cry, afraid, do self-harm things like taking excessive sleeping pills, jump of a bridge, lose hope, weak. And when this happens one may also rushes into another relationship, making stupid decisions, could not concentrate work, threatening others and almost EVERYTHING BAD.. PAIN is just VERY HURTING, SORES, THROBBING. Believe me, everyone does not want to FEEL this PAIN… :(
HATE and hatred comes from LOVE & PAIN… Hate is when PAIN is there, and LOVE is absent.. HATE, is the feeling of often to be described as the victim of liars, the victim of broken promises, the victim of sweet talker, the victim of LACK of LOVE, the victim of back stabbers, the victim of hope givers, that is just some of it there’s plenty more.
And when people say “I HATE YOU”, people will put blame on many things of what they had done.. They do not realized, that it is them(both parties) who failed to nurture the relationship or one party who is playing with fire. Try to look back at the mistake and learn from them..
And hate is just awful…
So that is some of about the facts which i have experience and would like to share some of my ideas of what can we do to NURTURE LOVE, handling PAIN, and noticing not to be HATED?
- Find good ways of LOVING EACH OTHER. The best LOVE would be the LOVE for GOD(ALLAH itself)
- Be true and honest to yourself. Don’t hide your feelings.
- Show your feelings because it is BEAUTIFUL, but also manage it not to hurt the other person.
- It’s okay to SULK, but learn to TALK..
- Tell him/her, what do you really want in the relationship
- SMILE, “Take 5 minutes a day to SMILE in the MIRROR and later it will come naturally” – “LOVE HAPPENS”
- Be transparent, don’t hide, tell truth. Believe me, lying and hiding will only make things worst.
- The truth maybe hurting , but it is always better than a BEATIFUL LIEs
- Find Creative ways to cheer your partner
- Say, “Thank You”, Say “Please”. this small things counts.
- Small action has big Impact, just by giving Salam, you show respect..
It is easier said than done. The feeling of PAIN, is just hard to manage.. People can easily say “forget him/her, find new ones” Deep inside, only GOD knows.
- PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.. that’s all i can say.
- The best mentors will be your PARENTS.
- Take Time… Leave it behind, walk forward..
- Find friends who listens share and talk to them too just to ease the burden away
NOTICING NOT TO BE HATED
- Don’t LIE
- Don’t GIVE HOPE
- Tell Truth
- Don’t Sweet Talk but do nothing..
- Never play with feelings
- Never ever-ever rush into a RELATIONSHIP!!! It KILLS. NOT JOKING!
- Reflect yourself
That are just a simple thoughts and belief that i wish to share hopefully it is useful…
Alhamdulillah, I have completed this article.. It took me three days to write this.
I would love to share. I wrote this article based on my own experience, my observation, talking to people, listening to people, helping people, helping myself…
I thought I had a terrible experience on my own! But, when things happens, ALLAH showed me, that they are plenty of people out there with more scary experience..
As a Wedding Photographer, I always ask my customers.. How they met their partners and what have they gone thru..
- I have seen a marriage last only for a month and it was my best’s friends.
- I have seen my business partner with 8 years of marriage got divorce.
- I have heard to a story from a friend who got engaged three times and still fails.
- I have heard to a story from a friend who had 14 years of relationship and still fails.
- I have heard to a story from a customer, when during the moment of akad nikah the MAN did not turn up..
- I have heard it from a friend an Ustaz divorced after 12 years of marriage
- You read in newspapers, divorced after three days? and 1 day for some??
Now.. I have learned a lot, but i am still learning.. and will want to continue growing.. I pray that ALLAH grants my PRAYERS… ameen..
p/s : My last piece of advise.. Know what you want in your LIFE..
“Love, Hate & Pain”
15,16,17 December 2009